How To Understand Your Wife

• She says, "You want." She really means, "You want."
• She says, "We need." She really means, "I want."
• She says, "It's your decision." She really means, "The right decision should be obvious by now."
• She says, "Do what you want." She really means, "You'll pay for this later."
• She says, "We need to talk." She really means, "I need to complain."
• She says, "Sure... go ahead." She really means, "I don't want you to."
• She says, "I'm hungry." She really means, "Make me something to eat."
• She says, "I'm not upset." She really means, "Of course I'm upset, you moron."
• She says, "You're... so manly." She really means, "You need a shave and you sweat a lot."
• She says, "You're attentive." She really means, "Is sex all you ever think about?"
• She says, "I'm not emotional." She really means, "I'm having my period."
• She says, "Turn out the lights." She really means, "I have flabby thighs."
• She says, "The car is empty." She really means, "Go fill it up."
• She says, "The trash is full." She really means, "Take it out."
• She says, "The dog is barking." She really means, "Go outside in your underwear and see what is wrong."
• She says, "I want new curtains." She really means, "And carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper..."
• She says, "I need wedding shoes." She really means, "The other 40 pair are the wrong shade of white."
• She says, "I heard a noise." She really means, "I noticed you were almost asleep."
• She says, "Do you love me?" She really means, "I'm going to ask for something expensive."